And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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