im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
