it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
