i just wanna soil my oats bro
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
