I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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