he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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