i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
