Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
