Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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