the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
