sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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