So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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