Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
