I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize