i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
