the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Vodka?
Forever.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
