K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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