I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
