Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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