I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
