Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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