great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
