I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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