god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
my poor anus
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
