just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I didn't notice because vodka
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
