I met the friendliest cop last night
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
