I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
