i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
