I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize