She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
