oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
