i already hear my dad disowning me
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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