You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
