you would pick up someone in the library
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
