Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Boobs are out for the taking
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
A+ Viking dick
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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