that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This is the high leading the old right now
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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