My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
