She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
