i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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