The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
pray to the hookup gods
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize