Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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