my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
