Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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