bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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