The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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