I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
