I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
