I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
