I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
