My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
