I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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