Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
