Me. At least after what I've been through.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Drunk is not a location!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
