My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
