JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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