Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
