It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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