well you can't waste a boner
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
