My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
