apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
BRING THE BAGELS
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
