I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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