She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
