Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
