remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
