I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
it was like eating out sand paper
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
