im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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