You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
