he puts the penis in happiness.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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