I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
