Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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