"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Randomize
