His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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