Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize