he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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