her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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