I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
