i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
