Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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