So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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