let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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