What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
