I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
