My sheets look like a crime scene.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
